Norms

Norms for relational calls

Norms and Guidelines for Relational Calls

When speaking with others about this call, do not use participants’ names in connection with their shares. Try to speak about your experience in relation to shares that you witnessed, and limit your sharing of the content itself to only what feels necessary in order to share your experience.

We use a “T” hand symbol (using two hands to make a “T” shape) for “time out”. You are welcome to call “time out” (using the hand symbol, words, or both) at any time if you are feeling exceedingly uncomfortable in yourself or with something you are witnessing. The facilitator and/or participants will then pause, check in, and tend to the challenge that has arisen for you or others.

You are welcome to pass on your turn in any exercise, sit out from any exercise, take a break from the call, or leave the meeting if you need to.

When sharing about yourself or your experience during this call, you are encouraged to share what feels right for you, sharing anywhere you wish on the “spectrum of revealing”--as much or as little as you wish (within the time parameters of a given context) and as vulnerably or not-vulnerably as you wish.

We practice allowing each other to have our experiences (both pleasant and unpleasant) without trying to change them. This supports emotional safety for everyone.
If you experience a strong desire to share a suggestion with someone, please start by naming that you’re noticing that desire in yourself. If the person seems receptive to your experience, you can ask them if they are open to hearing your suggestion. If yes, continue with care. If no, please respect their answer and move on.

Please be mindful of the way your share or self-expression might affect others (especially if it is very exposing, intense, or intimate). We practice revealing ourselves and respecting and attuning to others.

If you express curiosity about someone or their experience, please share your feelings and thoughts that are motivating your curiosity. Sometimes, if we’re not careful, curiosity can be an indirect way of expressing other feelings like fear or appreciation, and it can occur as invasive for the recipient if we do not practice full transparency about why we’re feeling curious.

If you private message someone and they do not respond, please do not message them again.
If it feels really important to you to contact that person, please get in touch with a facilitator after the meeting, ask if the facilitator can convey a message for you, and share why.
If you experience someone disrespecting this norm, please let a facilitator know either by private message or after the meeting.
Caveat: If you have a clearly active and mutually comfortable friendship with someone, you can use your own discretion in relation to them around this norm.

We try to make equal amounts of space for the many different kinds of people, personality types, and relational styles that exist in the world.
A good rule of thumb is to limit any one of your shares to 1 minute or less. We recognize that this might vary depending on the nature of a given exercise or the content you’re sharing.
If you notice that you or someone else is doing a lot of talking or expressing while others are not doing as much, please try to step back and/or acknowledge out loud what you’re noticing to help support others to participate.
If you tend to be slower or more reluctant to share about yourself, you can try practicing stepping up and sharing more readily--but that is totally up to you.

Please use the text chat window in Zoom if you feel moved to share simple responses (like resonance, empathy, or encouragement) during or after someone’s share. This is especially helpful during a round of turns where you might not have a chance to share your responses out loud right away.

While regenerative relating is usually rejuvenating, connective, and healing, difficult emotions or states can arise in the process. We see these as parts of the regenerative process. In getting more real with ourselves and each other, we could encounter challenging feelings, thoughts, or conversations that we might usually avoid. In exposing these things and being with them in conscious and supportive ways, we are likely to come into greater connection with others, more openness and ease in ourselves, and greater health and wellbeing.

Feel free to move your body--wiggle, fidget, stand, lay down, change position, shake, make sounds, etc--during this call. Please mute yourself if you are going to make emotive sounds while others are speaking. You’re welcome to leave your camera on while you move--it might even help others feel more expressed and free in their own bodies. If your movements are particularly distracting, please turn off your camera during that time.

Raised hand - “request to speak”
Wiggle fingers - “resonance”, “I can relate”, “yes”, “I agree”
“T” Symbol - “time out”, “stop”, “pause”
Slow close hands/fingers - “please wrap up your share”
Thumbs up - “yes”, “I agree”, “green light”
Fist to Five - 0-5 agreement/resonance, sometimes used to assess the group’s leaning or preference on something.

Last updated 4 years ago

Was this helpful?